


the first one who cared for you

by fizzypunk



Category: Naruto
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied abuse, M/M, Post Retrieval Arc, it's sort of hurt/comfort but not super angsty or anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26436394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fizzypunk/pseuds/fizzypunk
Summary: It had been a week since Shikamaru heard that his friends were going to pull through after the failed mission to bring Sasuke back. Everyone was doing well, but one particular shinobi was already out of the hospital, and Shikamaru found it suspicious.Why was Neji training, even during the time he should be healing?Or, the time when Shikamaru was the first person to care whether or not Neji lived or died.
Relationships: Hyuuga Neji & Nara Shikamaru, Hyuuga Neji/Nara Shikamaru
Comments: 11
Kudos: 121





	the first one who cared for you

**Author's Note:**

> okay SO. i literally woke up a few days ago and started thinking about my chaptered project, and in thinking immediately came to the realization that Shikamaru was the first person to cry for Neji, and to actually care whether or not he lived. His clan views him as disposable and konoha would never have done anything if he were their sacrifice and Shikamaru was legitimately the first person to care.
> 
> i made my self sad lmaooo
> 
> so the warnings for this one are that neji's family is unforgiving to him for certain things and he's expected to return to normal despite injuries from the retrieval arc. its a plot point and all that but shikamaru does a good job helping :)

Everyone was doing okay. 

Not _well_ – they weren’t _thriving._ They honestly weren’t doing anything besides surviving with the knowledge of their failed mission, but they were, at least, okay. Alive, not dead – which has to count for _something_ . Some were making plans to go after Sasuke, some enjoying the peace of medical leave, and _some_ were pacing aimlessly in their room with the desire to do nothing more than nap, but restlessly unable to do so because….

_Because..._

Shikamaru sighed, eyes closing against the annoying brightness of the rising sun out his window, and sat cross legged near his shogi board.

“Guilt,” he said aloud, to his empty room. Some days, _speaking_ will be enough to heal, will set him to rest in something that feels like peace.

_They almost died because of you._

Today, speaking was not enough, and his guilt hung on the edge of every thought, every word.

_Action, doing_ something _, is what I need, I guess… man, what a drag._

Shikamaru thought about grabbing the cigarette under his bed, hidden in a shockingly easy to find hiding spot that he’s sure his old man or mom could find, if they wanted. He needed it, and the shake in his knee, the tapping of his fingers against his arms, was proof enough… but he thought better of using it just yet. It was his last one and he’d just barely gotten away with _borrowing_ it from Asuma to begin with.

Shikamaru tapped his left knee against the floor instead, annoyed by the way it kept him awake and alert.

_Some Chuunin, you should have been left behind a rank like everyone else._

It’s been seven days since he got the news that everyone was going to pull through, and he couldn’t shake the haunting feeling from his bones no matter how much sleep he loses. It doesn’t matter how many games he wins at shogi against his old man, or in the lunch Asuma took him out to.

Asuma thought he was slick, too – that Shikamaru didn’t, somehow, guess that he was trying to put his mind at ease, feed him food and talk and conversation and, somewhere in there, slip in the assurance that he’d done _good_. That it was everything was fine because it worked out and no one lost life, limb, or their sanity. 

_This time._

Shikamaru didn’t say anything, but any time he thought back on it he couldn’t help but scoff. The feeling of leaving someone behind, one at a time, till he stood alone – thinking it was the end, not knowing what happened to everyone else. _Then_ , only after losing his hope, they end up making it back – injured and hurt and saved because they’d needed help and medics and prayers. 

They were lucky, their help came just before the hat dropped. The Suna stepped up to give them aid in the final moments leading up to what he _knows_ would have been a tragedy…

He looked to the board before him, to the scattered pieces and the way each side of the board was missing members – stared into the polished wood and scoffed, again.

“Fuck,” he sighed. “Guess no sleep for me.”

He thought about Chouji, and how he smiled grandly at him from his bed in the hospital and told him not to sweat it. _“I chose to fight for my friends. Don’t worry!”_

_As if_ _I couldn’t._

He thinks back to Naruto, who just laughed at the apology and instead _apologized_ to _him_ for not doing enough to bring Sasuke back. _“You helped me, and I tried and failed. I’m sorry Shikamaru…”_

_What a gods damned idiot_.

He thinks back to Kiba, and little Akamaru resting on his lap, who grinned and told him that he was just proud that he was able to help. He was just thankful Akamaru was on the mend beside him.

The sinking feeling in his stomach, the one that came while waiting for his friends to heal; it never fully went away, even when he knew they were going to be okay and the days passed one after the other. He had minimal work to do, Tsunade and his superiors seeing the need for rest and respite after the ordeal they underwent. Most of his time was spent tending to the deer and family duties, and it left him with way too much thinking room that he almost wished for a busier schedule.

It’s the first time he wished for _more_ shinobi work, and less time.

He took that time to over-think, over-analyze, and lose precious hours of rest dedicated to thinking about the outcomes that almost were.

Chouji might not _be_ here right now… he’d never see his best friend again, and the mere idea forced Shikamaru’s eyes closed again, against the sunrise painted on his far wall. Someone came just in time, they found him, and somehow the Nara had the right medicines to save him…

Shikamaru leaned back against the mat of his floor with a heavy _thump_.

His fingers twitched on his chest, in his pseudo-sleep like a mummy laid to rest, still half alive. 

Then, came the most troublesome part of this whole mess. Shikamaru opened his eyes a slit, thoughts realigning on the dime.

_Neji._

The image of his unconscious body, the hole in his shoulder, all came back to him like a flood down a tunnel.

Shikamaru tried not to think about it after it happened, how fastly Neji was swept back up to the Hyuuga estate as soon as his battered, broken body would allow – Shikamaru had gone to his room once he was able to visit, only to find the bed empty and made. The nurse had to be the one to tell Shikamaru that he’d be finishing the last of his healing in the comfort of _home_.

Shikamaru wanted to think better of it, but nothing he told himself made _that_ arrangement look okay. He went back to his own home, still holding on to the basket of fruit and teas he assumed Neji would enjoy as he made his way through the Nara lands.

_“He’s healing at home,”_ and _“he’s resting,_ ” and, _“you can apologize later.”_

That was three days ago.

Shikamaru tilted his head to the side, dragging his gaze down the slots of sun warmth down the wall until he reached the table top of his bookshelf. The small wicker basket, with four day old fruit, sat there in restless wait. Wicker, twisted into a handle and a little checkered pattern of a cloth peaking out from it at odd angles. 

And to think he hand-made it, only for it to go to waste being a paper weight.

_Hm._

He has duty today – feeding the deer, then helping in the archives before a meeting with Tsunade…

_He’s an early riser, probably_.

Shikamaru stopped shaking his knee in an anxious the _tap tap tap_ pattern he’d fallen into, eyes still on the handle of the basket.

_Can’t imagine a Hyuuga wouldn’t be up at 8…_ _he’d need to be resting still, but his family could pass on the message…_

Shikamaru sighed, closes his eyes, and basks in the last thirty minutes before he has to himself before he has to get up and start his day.

~

Shikamaru looked around the desolate space just outside of the Hyuuga estate’s gate, and thought that they did a great job of making people uncomfortable. The walls were imposing, the arch above a little too well kept, and gazing into the entrance and seeing the immaculate state it was in, despite being so empty in the morning…

Shikamaru shifted his weight on his feet, rolling his thumb over his knuckles in his pants pocket and squeezing the handle of the fruit basket in his other hand.

_Man, this place really gives me the creeps_.

Shikamaru can’t place the reason why, but he trusts his gut instinct _enough_ to listen to it. It doesn’t change his course, but it was enough to make him stop and stare – what do the Hyuuga do to make their property so uninviting? Was it some weird genjutsu?

It wasn’t that he had a particularly fond regard for the Hyuuga clan before – they were a Konoha name, everyone knew about them, everyone respected them, but that was as far as it went for most, including Shikamaru. He’d known no one from the family, and only saw Neji floating around the Academy at a distance, not ever really having interaction before. He didn’t really _have_ an opinion, or feeling, about Neji, let alone his family. But his interest peaked when Neji aired his family and their shame out at the exams, which seemed so long ago…

So much had happened between then and now, Shikamaru almost felt bad at letting the thought slip his mind. Too much to think about and do, and _also_ focus on the horrible things Neji said...

_Whatever, just go in and stop whining._

So he did, and held on to the basket just a bit tighter despite himself. He’d replaced the fruit, made sure it was fresh, and added a container of honey at the last moment because _why not_.

The walk to the entrance was short, surrounded by a yard too well kept and with absolutely nothing of value for any type of wildlife. Well trimmed flowers not yet in bloom, green clipped grass, some potters with plain plants in them, landscaping rocks...

Shikamaru walked up to the steps of the entrance, and he wasn’t surprised to see someone was already there, stepping out just in time to greet him. All seeing eyes, constant lookouts, branch families and kidnappings – 

The family was very much aware of who was on their property.

“You’re Nara, correct?”

Shikamaru had no idea who was speaking to him, but he figured it was Neji’s uncle, and he nodded. “That’s me.”

“Why are you here?”

The cold look in his aged, steel eyes was not just due to his dojutsu. There was something _specifically_ absent in his stare, and Shikamaru knew that the answer to that question was not as easy as it seemed.

_Fucking… it’s too early to deal with suspicious nobelmen..._

“I have business with Neji.”

The older Hyuuga raised an eyebrow, deep voice unaffected. “And you bring fruit?”

Shikamaru smiled, feeling the way his expression pooled in such a tight and controlled way, holding his gaze. “Yeah, it’s a consolation for bothering him while he’s healing. Figured he might as well get something while I drag him outta bed.”

The nameless Hyuuga stared down at him from the stairs, leaving Shikamaru’s words to hang between them for a reason Shikamaru doesn’t understand. But he’s never talked to a Hyuuga beside Neji, and he’s never done business or been to their property before either – maybe they’re just… naturally offputting. 

Maybe it’s the eyes.

He nodded, and if Shikamaru hadn’t been paying attention like he was, he might not have noticed it. Flat resolve settled into his gaze, his neutral lips, and turned his back to Shikamaru. “Very well. Follow me. He’s training, so he doesn’t have much time to spare today.”

_Training?_

Shikamaru followed at a respectful distance, but that unease he felt when he first stepped foot on their property was back; it was reconfirmed like he’d been watching a boulder coming down the hill, only for it to now make contact– was Neji training? Perhaps he was faring well, as well as one could assume of someone who had a hole pierced into their shoulder… but surely he wasn’t already active? Even in a limited training capacity, the likelihood of actually being able to move in a combat setting...

_Man, I’d be out cold for at least a week…_

The door shut behind Shikamaru – looking over his shoulder, he met another set of ghostly eyes, a woman he didn’t know but who nodded in acknowledgement before heading the opposite direction.

_Huh._

“So you’re the Chunin, the only one who made it through the exam.”

Shikamaru turned the corner, looking around in odd fascination. “Yep, that’d be me. I’m the one they decided to pick.”

“How very lucky for you.”

_You sound absolutely thrilled._

They followed the edges of the house for the next minute in silence, and Shikamaru thought it for the better – making small talk with a Hyuuga was just as fun as it sounded, and he was certain that the iciness his host was regarding him with was a bit more intense than usual.

_They must hate the idea of Neji not making rank, and I’m probably just a casualty of their pride. They hate me being a Chuunin more than I do. Go figure._

“Here,” he finally said, and their little trek finally came to an end in the center of their estate – a dry courtyard with a single tree, basked in sunlight and, clearly, intended for training. The wood and paper door to his right slid away and they stepped out into the inner deck.

He could hear the padding of Neji’s feet before he ever saw him – the quick _swish, swish_ , and the speed of air surrounding it as it bent into the shapes Neji was making.

Neji was wearing all white – similar to what Naruto wore in the hospital, but clearly these were Neji’s clothes. They were long sleeved, loose clothes that were starch against the deep brown of his hair. 

Neji moved, knees buckled in a certain way that made Shikamaru’s own hurt just from observation. He was all elegant lines, performing a flowing kata right before his eyes like a flower in the breeze.

He’d spun, a circle created with pivoting feet in half circles and followed by the wave of his tied hair – continuing, spinning and creating crescent moons into the dirt – like he didn’t notice the intrusion. Like he didn’t notice Shikamaru’s awkward placement against all the regality and still-nobility of the Hyuuga house. 

His knees were bent beneath him again, hands out in front of him in parries against imagined opponents. His footwork was swift, but heavy – 

So was his breathing.

The older Hyuuga at Shikamaru’s side cleared his throat. “Neji.”

Neji was in mid motion, feet in the middle of shifting their weight, when he stopped. His attention snapped forward, before turning around to see who was calling for him.

Neji looked up to the deck, from the bright and sunny and warm of the training field, through the dust his feet kicked up – to Shikamaru in the shadow of the awning.

Their eyes locked for a moment way too intense for the early morning.

Wide, lilac eyes, open and focused, meeting his brown ones – silent dust settling down around them.

Neji’s expression recovered quickly, and Shikamaru could see him trying to reel his breath.

_Why are you training three days after getting out of the hospital?_

Shikamaru knew better than to let on to his confusion, so he didn’t – he held on to his relaxed stance, fruit in hand, hips cocked against his hand perched on them. Shikamaru felt like saying a lot of things, but he didn’t know where to start – or if he should, if meddling was appropriate or if he should just ignore the oddities of the Hyuuga house…

His confusion was just as vast as Neji’s, though the reason behind it was completely different.

“You have a visitor, a Chuunin,” he continued, and Shikamaru didn’t like the way his tone wrapped around _Chuunin_ , like it was dirty. “Take a break.”

“Thank you, uncle,” Neji said, shoulders finally relaxing.

Wordlessly, Neji’s uncle disappeared, returning to the hallways that surrounded their private training field.

The door behind Shikamaru shut with a _clack_ , wood on wood.

Neji kept his eyes on Shikamaru, and Shikamaru decided that it certainly wasn’t _just_ the eyes that made him uneasy about this family – he didn’t feel at odds with Neji’s curious stare, after all.

Shikamaru _knew_ this wasn’t by accident.

Neji approached him, footsteps lighter, and stood at the base of the three stairs that Shikamaru stood atop of. He looked up at Shikamaru, and Shikamaru’s unease grew at seeing the trails of sweat falling from his hair, from behind his hitai-ate. 

“Nara, what are you doing here?”

_Good question_.

He lifted the basket in his right hand just a bit, enough for Neji’s eyes to flicker down before rising again. “I come with gifts.”

Neji’s eyes narrowed, but not like he’d seen in the past – true curiosity was there, and this time Neji didn’t try to cover its tracks. “I don’t understand.”

Shikamaru shook the unease away – this wasn’t necessarily what he’d expected when he came, but in the absence of other Hyuuga, when it was just Neji, his teammate, he felt a little more inclined to relax. Less like pins and needles, and more like he was…

_Oh, right_.

He handed the hefty basket of fruit out by one hand. “It’s a part of my apology.”

“I… still don’t understand. What are you apologizing for?”

Shikamaru looked off to the side, not feeling reassured that Neji had yet to reach out. “It’s… it’s for the mission. I fucked up and almost got you killed, and I’m sorry.”

He looked back, taking in Neji’s wide eyes, parted lips – sweat soaked hair, his knit brow that betrayed everything else about his calmness. “Man, just take the fruit – I didn’t know what you liked so there’s a little bit of everything.”

Neji, all controlled and jagged around the edges, raised his hands – shaking hands, still glistening from his training. Shikamaru never saw him hesitate before, but he quickly fixed his mistake and took the basked from its sides, each hand around it like he didn’t quite _get_ it.

_Paranoid Hyuuga…_

And then, _but he’s shaking..._

He didn’t say anything, he just… stared. First at the fruit in hand, then to him – there was a huge wall of questions and thoughts that Shikamaru could practically _see_ in him that he wasn’t voicing, confusion that was far too much and grand to be elicited from a simple offering of apologetic fruit. Was he under the impression there was no need to apologize, like the rest of their team? Was he mad he came to visit at all? Was he mad he didn’t do this _sooner?_

Was he, maybe even more plausibly, _worried_? 

Shikamaru took mercy and just smiled. “Anyway.”

“I’m… thank you.”

Shikamaru’s face screwed up a bit at that– Neji never really smiled or showed _any_ positive emotion, but he looked sad, even for a Hyuuga. More morose than he’d typically observed in the other. But, then again, maybe he _did_ overstep a boundary? “You seem unhappy with it – I can trade it out if you want, I got breads and other stuff if you prefer. My mom makes good tea blends from the garden, too...”

“No, no, it’s... _nice_.” And he looks like he means it, handles the fruit in hand just a bit more gently as he pulls it into his chest. Then, smaller, like a flame extinguished from a wick, “I just don’t understand why you’re apologizing.”

“Because you almost died under my command, so the least I can do is give you an apple. I thought I might as well bring this to you today, since you were gone when I tried to visit earlier this week. Sorry about that, by the way.”

The more the silence stretches out, the more he’s allowed to just look at the other, it’s so clear to see the struggle, the signs of stress and exhaustion that no poised, calculated mask or demeanor could hide.

Flat eyes and calm voice couldn’t hide the shadows under Neji’s eyes, or the sweat matted to the underside of his hair, or the not-quite hidden way he favors his right side as he holds onto the basket.

_Man, he looks worse for wear._

It’s because there’s a fucking hole in him, and it was still on the mend.

  
  


“So, ya know…. I figured… _fruit_ …”

Neji was uncomfortable, that much was clear – Shikamaru didn’t know him well enough to know if he was acting normal, or if he was lying or truly upset or just tired, so Shikamaru didn’t try to interpret signs he didn’t even have a key for. He was probably exhausted, and that’s why he was acting like he had received a grand gift…

“I didn’t realize you tried... I came back to the estate once I was stable enough to move…” Neji moved to the stairs, and Shikamaru let him pass. He then took a seat on the deck. His arms finally wrapped around the basket, with acceptance, like it wasn’t a half inch away from blowing up. “I don’t think I was awake until I got home, actually.”

“Yeah, you moved back in real fast. Your family wanted you back pretty badly, huh?”

Neji looked up at him, basket of fruit held close to his stomach, on his thighs. “Sure.”

Shikamaru knew there was duty to attend to, that he was close to being late on his first day back as shinobi– he needed to get to the front desk soon, but he couldn’t just _step_ away. Listening to that violent tug in his stomach, giving in to the way Neji looked like he was close to collapsing...

It was wrong, he couldn’t just _leave_ – but he can’t be upfront, either.

He needed to be clever. 

He’d said his apology already, and got him his food. He should be leaving, Neji’s uncle must be expecting to leave soon, but…

Shikamaru took a seat beside him, legs kicked up on the stairs. “So. I guess you’re feeling well enough to train now, huh?”

Neji eyed him from the side, meeting Shikamaru’s gaze. “I suppose so.”

_That’s what I thought_.

“Hmm. That’s good. Been training a lot, right?”

Neji breaks eye contact, but nods anyway. His shoulders are falling more and more as he’s seated, and he tucks his gaze into the fruit he’s held close. “Yes. Making sure to be ready to resume duty, or should I be needed.”

“Hm. Hopefully we don’t need it. Wish I was that motivated.”

Neji chuckled, and left it at that.

_What is your family making you do?_

“I’ve started back on duty today… the Hokage's been on my ass about practice.”

“Practice?”

“Yeah, she wants me to train more. Makes me think she’s regretting that new rank on my service record,” he chuckles, eyes snaking back to Neji, looking for something, for _anything_. “She wants me to do better, since our mission.”

“I don’t know the details, but I understand if that’s the case. You’ll need to be better prepared.”

“Oh, then I should fill you in on the mission report. Since you don’t know what happened.”

“Perhaps.”

Shikamaru turned his eye out to the dry field, to the sun-hot dirt. He leaned over onto his knees, propping his elbow up on them. He’s leaned forward enough to look around, to see who’s there and who’s not – enough to look lazy and half-assed and still reach Neji’s eyes as he scans to the left. 

_Now, or never._

“Since you’re feeling better, you should train with me. Help me out and all that junk.”

Neji’s eyes hone in on his like a rubber band snapping. He sees something like panic in there, beneath the lilac haze that gives away more than he’s ever spoken. And every moment, awake and active and pushing his body, he gave away more and more, mask slipping without the expected poise. “... I –”

“I’ve been told my hand-to-hand _needs improvement_ ,.” He made _sure_ Neji’s eyes didn’t leave his. “I almost had my life handed to me, it’s really a miracle…. But anyway, I have a meeting with Tsunade about it later today, but since you’re back to normal...”

_Listen to me_.

Neji’s eyes are so hard to read, but the way they squint is not un-encouraging. “So we will train tomorrow.”

“Pretty much. It’ll be a drag, I know, but what can I do – argue with the Hokage? And I can fill you in on the mission details.”

“And I’ll…”

“Come to the primary fields after my shift?”

“And… train?”

Shikamaru smirked – hoping his eyes were enough encouragement for the other. “Yeah, you could definitely help me out.”

Neji actually smiled. “Hokage’s orders?”

_Good_.

“Yep. Can’t be helped.”

“I see I have no choice.”

Shikamaru hates how much that’s true. At least this choice was a good one. “Pretty much. Anyway, come to the fields at three. Now, I gotta go,” and he made sure his gait was loud and heavy as he stood up from the stairs, stretching a bit.

Neji got up too, eyes looking out to the training field. “Okay, Nara… I – thank you for the fruit. You didn’t need to.”

“Sure I did. Glad you’re back with us,” and he meant it. 

Neji’s eyes went wide. Just a small bit, but enough to let Shikamaru know, and once he did, his stomach felt ill at the implication. 

“... thank you.”

Shikamaru made his way to the door, a content feeling entering his heart, making him feel a bit more at ease despite the way Neji was already making toward the field again. He felt eyes, too – knew that somewhere in the ring of doors and the overseeing balcony, someone was watching.

_Still._

“See you there, Hyuuga,” he called over his shoulder, before being escorted back out the Hyuuga residence.

~

It was 3:30, and Shikamaru was worried that Neji had only agreed to come because it was the easy thing to do, not the thing he was _going_ to do. He was nowhere to be seen in the field, and when Shikamaru walked out to the main path that linked the multiple fields, he came up empty handed.

But, then again – maybe it was his family to blame, and not Neji himself. Shikamaru wondered how far the definition of the word strict had to be stretched to be able to cover… whatever it was Neji was being forced to do while healing from nearly fatal injuries.

_I don’t like it_.

It’s not that Shikamaru was able to change it, either – he’d be a fool to try, so he didn’t. But, what was within his control, was moments like _this._ He looked over to the log at the end of the field, covered by a tree’s heavy branch and basking in shadow. On top of the old, cracked brown log was his training bag and knapsack, and beside it was _another_ bag.

A warm feeling creeped up Shikamaru’s neck, his ears – he didn’t know if he felt stupid for what he was bringing, or just for the fact that he’d gone so far out of his way he’d surprised himself…

_Nah. Stop overthinking._

Before he could dig deeper into his motivations and actions, he looked to his right, to the path he’d just come back from, and saw a familiar shape.

Neji, still in light clothes that were similar to the ones he saw him training in, walked slowly up to him. 

“And here I thought you were skipping out on me,” Shikamaru laughed, walking back over the dirt to meet him. “I probably should be _delicate_ , but that’s not my style. You look like shit,” he added with another, lighter laugh.

Neji didn’t take it poorly – but his flat expression failed to change at all. “I would have been faster, but I suspected that I didn’t have to rush.”

Coming to a stop in front of him, Shikamaru could see the _real_ way he was feeling, and not the guarded way he was when at the estate. He was sweating, and the heavy way his left arm and shoulder slumped was so much more dramatic than it had been just yesterday -- the true pain of his injury was not hidden or masked, and Shikamaru tried to remain objective about it.

It failed, and a low lying remorse took seed in his stomach, blooming by the minute. 

Shikamaru offered his hand out, raising his eyebrow. “So what, your family doesn’t believe in bedrest?”

Neji looked to his hand, just in front of him, hesitating. “They do... I don’t have that privilege, as I'm technically healed _enough._ ”

Shikamaru tried not to _force_ him to accept the help, and was glad he didn’t have to. A second later, Neji shrugged into the idea, closing his eyes and letting Shikamaru wrap his arm under Neji’s less injured side's arm.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Neji didn’t say anything, and they lapsed into a quiet silence. Unlike the way the air felt at the Hyuuga estate, it was relaxed out here in the calm of the field. The sun didn’t beat as hard, and the reluctant acceptance of help that Neji took was encouraging to Shikamaru. It was a small thing he was offering, but it was more than he expected Neji had ever been offered.

Shikamru’s not a soft guy, doesn’t think as much of himself – but he felt sour at the entire situation, and feeling the weight of Neji on his side, hitched to his arm, was just more confirmation at the pain he was truly in. He’d tried to remain objective, but it was harder than he ever thought it would be.

“So, I just said the fields because it was a good idea at the time,” Shikamaru started, finally entering the shadow of the tree. He sat Neji down on the log, trying not to cringe at the way his breath was heavy. He stood in front of him. “I don’t wanna push you too far, but I was thinking about going to my family’s land. No one can really visit, and I have… uh, I have this _place_.”

Okay, now he felt a little embarrassed.

Neji stared up at him, another more genuine smile on his face. “As you see fit, Chuunin.”

Shikamaru felt warm, and started gathering his things. “Knock that out, I’m here as a friend.”

_What the hell?_

“Fine, Shikamaru. I can move a lot more if it makes it easier.”

“Lucky for us, it’s not that far,” and he offered his hand again, his other arm bearing the tangle of bag and knapsack. Neji looked at it, before accepting. 

They stood side by side, and Shikamaru hooked his arm under Neji before taking off in a walk. “No need to stress. We can walk.”

Neji hummed. “So… what’s in the bag?”

“I, uh, brought blankets.”

“Like a picnic?”

“No, not _like a picnic_ ,” and he had to rack his brain as to why he was so flustered.

_Whatever._

“You look like you’re about to pass out so I figured…”

“ _Napping?_ ”

Shikamaru’s face grew warm, and he focused his eyes on the treeline as they entered it. Was he being dumb? Was _this_ too much for the other and was he finally breaking that fragile line that the Hyuuga uphold?

But, then, a surprise that almost made Shikamaru’s step falter, Neji _laughed_.

It was small, and breathy, but it was genuine and it was almost enough that the vibrations reached Shikamaru. Against his own judgement and the feeling of his warm cheeks, he looked down and to his left to see the smile that rarely ever touched his features.

He was looking at Shikamaru, too. “I’m surprised you’d go out of your way for me, but I’m not ungrateful.”

“Don’t worry about it… I’d never leave another shinobi behind, in the field, or at home.”

“What, are we not _friends_ now?” Neji said, and it sounded teasing, and Shikamaru grinned despite himself.

“I’ll drop you, Neji. But, yes, I’d never leave a friend behind, either.”

Neji hummed, a content warmth in his tone, and Shikamaru hoisted him up higher, closer. They made their slow way in comfortable silence.

~

Once they reached the Nara land, and made their way into the clearing that Shikamaru often napped in, Shikamaru wasted no time laying down the dark blue blanket. He also had an assortment of medicines with him that he borrowed from his parents, chilled water, and two rice balls because that’s all that was left in the bag to carry, with the blanket taking up most of the space.

The grass was high here, and the ground just a tiny bit at a slope -- the trees above them were huge and healthy, leaving the cool ground beneath it in shadows. It looked out to the field, and the creek that babbled at the farthest end.

“Why here?”

“It’s just the closest clearing,” Shikamaru lied, finally sitting down on the edge of the blanket. “Easier to walk to.”

_Not like this is my favorite spot to sky watch..._

“Besides, since I’m a nice guy, we’re not actually training.”

“As I’ve gathered,” Neji sat down, and Shikamaru failed to offer him his help to get down. If he was sure of anything, he was sure that his pride could only handle so much assistance. 

“So, wanna tell me more about it?”

“About?”

“You know, the whole reason behind why your family has you training like you’re going to war.”

“It’s not uncommon. They… just happen to think I’ve failed one too many times.”

“So, what, more training’s in order?”

Neji huffed. “I’m not really in a position to judge. I’m sure you remember, right, Shikamaru?”

Shikamaru nodded, feeling like the natural end of _that_ topic was coming swift and fast. He’d pressed him too far as is. “Yep, I _definitely_ remember. Kinda hard to forget -- hey, look this way,” he gestured with one hand toward Neji’s sitting form. He was still rummaging around in his bag, pulling out medicine and antiseptic.

“What are y--”

Shikamaru looked up briefly, catching the way the little leaflets of light danced over Neji’s face. “Just checking a few things.”

“You don’t ha--”

“-- I know that, but truth be told, your creepy family sets my nerves on edge, and I’d like to think my instinct is good for _something_.”

_Besides, maybe, accidentally killing my teammates._

“I understand, but it’s not --”

“Sure it’s not my responsibility. If it was something small, I might be tempted to not care at all -- but, as it stands, I don’t think it’s something small, so I do care, so let me see your injury.”

His tone wasn’t right, even though his intention was -- Shikamaru shifted his body, directed himself to Neji, and sighed. He had to pull it back in, not let the irritation and curiosities get the best of him.

_Don’t push._

“I mean,” he amended softly, “if you’re okay with it.”

Whatever Neji was feeling, it wasn’t clear from his gaze. He just waited, and then looked to the bag and everything else that Shikamaru had unloaded -- coming to some sort of conclusion and then…

“I’m… well. My wounds, they’re tended to and my wrappings are fresh…”

“Hmm.”

“Don’t believe me?”

“No, no, I do and I’m glad to hear it. Just thinking.”

_Just a little surprised._

“I’ve been kept in good repair. Antibiotic, wrappings, and a nurse visits me.”

_Don’t know what I expected…_

Shikamaru’s eyes hovered over his shoulder, where he knew the injury was wrapped and cleaned and hoped that it was the case. He didn’t even have a reason to distrust Neji, it was just his gut feeling that made him cautious about the entire ordeal. However, with Neji’s words sinking in, the supplies he brought felt a little excessive. It wasn’t an unpleasant discovery -- just a surprising one, which he happily accepted.

But, quietly, soft like the cool breeze that came through the field. “If… you had medicine, that might help.”

“Got plenty, how’d you know?” He smiled. If he could provide anything, it was a subpar bedside manner and drugs.

He didn’t want to know the answer to the questions on the tip of his tongue, so he held them, deciding that focusing on the medicine and the _fixable_ stuff in the present as opposed to the hypotheticals and family problems. Perhaps his wound was cared for, and right now he could provide relief. He reached a hand out and backwards, skimming the contents of the messenger bag and grabbing a bottle. Neji watched, kept his head down with his legs crossed.

Sweat was still clinging to what little of his collar bone Shikamaru could see. He extended his hand and when Neji met it, dropped four pills into his palm. “They’re the pill form of the intravenous medicine they had you on at the hospital. It’s a bit drowsy, though… just a warning, though I figure…”

“I’d gladly take it,” and he took it with the water from Shikamaru’s thermos.

“Now rest, troublesome Hyuuga.”

“I didn’t mean to cause you inconvenience.”

Shikamaru huffed, a smile coming to his face despite it. 

_Way too literal._

“You didn’t. Just sleep it off, okay?”

Neji was inclining back, resting with his arms folded over his stomach. The high grasses around and under them were like padding, soft enough to feel like a pillow. He looked up to the blanketing forest foliage, glimpses of light tracing lightly over his face. His eyes stayed open, though half pulled despite being tired -- up in the clouds, or in thought, or in both, Shikamaru didn’t know.

He recognized something peaceful settle over him, once his arms untensed, and his eyes started to lull into a slit. “Th….thank you. I don’t understand, still, but… thank you.”

Shikamaru held his breath, not really knowing why the soft, whispered words made him do so -- maybe it was the appreciation, maybe it was the vulnerability -- he’d taken a shot asking someone so private and reserved to do something like _nap_ beside him, but he did, and it turned out like this.

“Any time.”

Shikamaru pushed some of the items around him to the outskirts of the blanket, then joined beside Neji, a foot of space between them. 

Though it was intended to be respite for Neji and the neglected bedrest he wasn’t receiving, it was also a surprisingly comfortable and peaceful silence for himself. The nagging feeling of something being wrong, though not eliminated, was sinking to the back of his mind as he considered the resting presence beside him, and heard the quiet rise and fall of his breath.

Shikamaru smiled despite himself, then fell into a swift sleep with Neji drifting off beside him.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i suppose this is unoficial back story to HIFR 
> 
> thanks for reading <3 find me on tumblr as [fizzypunk](https://fizzypunk.tumblr.com/)


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